Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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