he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
