Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
