He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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