My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
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I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
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He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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