i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
