"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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