I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Still dying that you shit outside
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
