So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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