Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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