just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize