So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
