I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
