He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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