1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
