I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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