Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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