Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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