Moan for me like Helen Keller
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
