I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
this is an emotional support booty call
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
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