We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
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