just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
