Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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