Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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