at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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