Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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