dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
