In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
