i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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