there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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