Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
