Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
