what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
