tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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