I cockslap morals
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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