Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
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we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
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Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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