normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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