I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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