My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
