In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
wow bdsm is so cute
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
