i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
