biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
