:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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