I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
We left an ass print on the piano.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
