im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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