Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
