4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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