i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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