He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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