just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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