I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
My feet surprised me
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
