He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
