Cold hands, warm shart.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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