Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Randomize
