when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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