Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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