just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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