everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
