Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
