I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I want her autograph on my taint
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
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