do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
