You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
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she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
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