Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
