My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
