my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
