Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
