his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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